YEH INDIA KA CRICKET HAI -PART I : WAG(GING) TALES & SILLY POINTS !

The Indian cricket team were 1-0 up after the first two Test Matches during their much anticipated tour of the Ol’ blighty. Soon, they self-destructed and lost the series 1-3 ! The Englishmen had made the Indians dance to their tune yet somehow it was the players Wives and Girlfriends (WAGs) who took the blame ?!!!

India’s humiliating capitulation in the last three Test Matches to an otherwise down and out English cricket team led to the players’ commitment being questioned.The team manager’s unequivocal assertion was that the presence of the WAGs of the Indian cricketers was the primary cause of the debacle. Though, I never saw a single WAG either bowl an over or take to the crease, did you? And none of them dropped all those catches in the “slip cordon” either!!! So what was this much ado about a “silly point” that only emerged when the team started faring badly from the third test onwards?

Drastic steps such as introducing Ravi Shastri as the Team Director were initiated and so was a ruthless witch hunt. The fall guy was India’s prolific young batsmen, Virat Kohli. Slated to take over the Captaincy, his fall was the hardest.

Kohli’s cricketing technique, temperament and personal life were now under severe strain and scrutiny. With his good looks he is quite a heartthrob and understandably anything about him sells. The supposed Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma affair was already subject to much speculation and more so when the Bollywood starlet accompanied Kohli on the England tour. Possessing imperious talent, Kohli managed a mere 138 runs in the series. His failure was deemed as one of the main reasons for the Indian debacle, which in turn was blamed on the presence of Anushka in England.

The presence of wives is generally acceptable on long tours or at the discretion of the BCCI. But the presence of a girlfriend, set the tongues wagging about many a juicy tale. BCCI revealed to sources that this was allowed as Kohli and Anushka would soon be tying the knot and that Kohli was made responsible to keep things as unobtrusive (???) as possible. But this plan did not factor India’s mauling by the Englishmen.

It can be argued that on long and arduous overseas tours the presence of a cricketer’s WAG can help a him to cope with the physical and mental rigours. Conversely, a tiff with the “missus”, partner’s illness or the worry as to how to take care of her issues while the guy is busy being a modern day Gladiator, can cause just enough distractions for him to come undone, when it counts the most.

It’s also important that a players’ personal life not be subject to relentless media scrutiny that it has a telling effect on his relationship as well as his psyche. It must have been quite an experience for Virat and Anushka to handle the fallout in their personal lives. Kohli must have spent restless hours planning his defence for Anushka’s presence rather than worry about James Anderson, the Englishmen repeatedly getting him out cheaply. Had he shared the room with Anderson, insinuating headlines like – INDIAN BATSMEN REVEALS HIS SECRET TO ENGLISH BOWLER – would have been a much better prospect than what he actually suffered.

I remember Sir Vivian Richards during his tour of India was linked to actress Neena Gupta and none of the accompanying controversy ever touched our lives till almost the time their daughter Masaba was born. It was so sudden that there was no time for traditional therapies (like consuming 5 male fruits) to ensure that Master Richards was born in India to perpetuate his father’s legacy. (Hope Anushka reads this …please God !)

By the way, a lesson for Kohli, Richards did not suffer a lean patch during that tour either on or off the field, irrespective of his other dalliances.

The Amul ad/ topical on Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma captures the raging controversy on the supposed impact of Ansuhka’s presence in England, on Virat Kohli’s batting form during the India – England Cricket Series in 2014.It depicts a dance scene from the “Clear Shampoo” ad campaign that the protagonists have done together. It shows a caricature depicting Virat in a black suit, akin to the ad, sharing the famous “leg lock” with the Anushka depicted by the Amul Girl.To underscore distraction, a caricature of female fan of Virat Kohli is seen standing with a bat and his photo behind the dancing couple and yet she is distracted by a toast laced with Amul butter.

The Tag Line..Kohli-Peeli Anushka Ko Blame Mat Karo…is a play on the name Kohli as well as a Mumbaiyaa slang “Khali Peeli” meaning “unnecessarily”. The entire line subtly draws a link between Kohli and Anushka and implies not to “unnecessarily blame Anushka” for the formers cricketing failures.

The Punch Line…Distracts You…is a take on the raging controversy over what distracted Kohli to perform poorly in England and at the same time endorses the Amul Butter which is good enough to distract the customer with its sheer quality.

Personally, I am glad Anushka is just a love lorn distraction. What if she would have been an alleged bookie? Llike Veena Malik was allegedly one while associated with Mohammad Asif??? What if a British Tabloid had revealed for the benefit of all, including Kohli, that Anushka was actually born a boy, like it happened for Michael Phelps when he got to know that his girl was actually a boy at birth and that she had concealed this from him. Imagine the controversy then !And unlike some England WAGs on the same tour, at least Anushka is strong hearted and wasn’t creating a scene by claiming to see ghosts even if she actually did. So she can be trusted to keep Kohli afloat in his tough times too !

So in that sense, for Kohli, “yeh hi right choice baby” !

And our boy is a gem as well. What if Kohli was a truant and instead of Anushka being the cause of his failures it would have emerged that while on tour he was actually having group XXX – a la Herschele Gibbs in Australia. For that matter what if he would have taken a leaf out of Shane Warne’s book and had texted lewd messages to nurses and teachers and hopelessly mixed up the recipients. Or found inducing gullible junior players to spot fix a la Salman Butt !!!

So fellas, the boy and the girl are pretty okay and let’s leave them to their own devices.

It’s never easy being a cricket widow, what with cricketers spending an average of 140 nights away from home. The growing incidence of divorces in English Cricket are an example of the predicament in which a cricket couple finds themselves. Its time the BCCI put in place a policy not only for figuring out travel rosters for WAGs and the family but also for their well being while abroad, lest some hapless cricketer is left thinking of his partners situation rather than the match situation while facing Mitchell Johnson bouncers bowled at over 150km an hour !

Watch out for Part II.

Post Script; April 2015

Virat Kohli’s disappointing performance in the knock out games in the World Cup came in for critical review as it seemed that young firebrand and the Indian Test Captain , for all his imperious talent had yet to learn how to handle the pressures and weight of expectations of being a frontline Indian cricket player, especially in big ticket games.He is being touted as the next Tendulkar, but he has a long long long way to go before he can emulate the maestro.Its not about the cricket scores alone, its also about the temperament and the ability to soak pressure, which Tendulkar did admirably for 25 years and stayed at the top of his game dishing out one memorable performance after another.

The adoring millions turned against Virat Kohli ,as they sought to vent their ire and lay the blame for the loss of their team at the World Cup.The presence of his girlfriend , Bollywood actor, Anushka Sharma, with him during the World Cup once again coincided with Virat’s poor form and led to blame being laid on her for his poor batting performance.Her presence was considered as the reason for Kohli losing his focus and concentration.Lots of netizens ripped into the duo and anequal number lent them support as well.Kohli and Sharma exited the airport, on arrival in India, holding hands and looing distraught and uncertain and clearly seeking solace and comfort in each other.

Also, Kohli’s misbehaviour with journalists and intemperate and immature on field spats an reactions point towards a larger malaise in the talented player.He needs to channelise his energies correctly or he may find that “jab tak balla chalta hai , tab tak thaath hain !”

This Amul ad/ topical on Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma captures the criticism that the duo faced for Kohli’s poor performances with the bat.It shows two caricatures, depicting Virat and Anushka sitting togethr and tending to each other, with the Amul Girl offering them the delicious Amul butter laced toasts.The topical captures the cricket player’s and the Bollywood actor’s romance especially in the backdrop of the negative publiciy that the duo received.

The Tag Line …Sab ne bana di jodi…  is a play on the Anushka starrer Rabb ne bana di jodi and hints at the Virat and her being a couple.

The Punch Line …Have It NHow… is a play on the word “now” with the first two letters in the word “NHow” ,subtly reminding us of Anushka’s home production NH 10, in which she also stars in the lead role.

This is not the end of the story.There’s much more and i am sure they will be happy tidings to say the least.

A SLIVER OF PEACE, SOME SMILES & A FEW CHUNKS OF CONTROVERSY !

Amidst a recent conflagration at the Line of Control (LOC) between India & Pakistan, Kailash Satyarthi (India) & Malala Yusufzai (Pakistan) were declared the joint recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize for 2014.Coincidence?Agenda Based? There’s enough intrigue associated with the Nobel Prize & surprisingly & there’s enough to make us smile too!

In 2012, Malala was shot in the head for championing the cause of education for girls & for defying the Taliban in Pakistan’s restive Swat region. She miraculously recovered in a hospital in Birmingham. Embodying strength & belief she went back to school & once again fearlessly stood up for her espoused cause.She has since addressed the UN, met Barak Obama & gained access to those who can make a difference. The Peace Prize was awarded to her in recognition of her work & the indomitable spirit of the 17 year old.

An erstwhile electrical engineer, Kailash Satyarthi was chosen for the award for his work in securing child rights & fight against child labour. He has rehabilitated thousands through his NGO,Bachpan Bachao Andolan (Save the Childhood Movement) & has received numerous awards from various countries. Interestingly,for the Peace Prize he was nominated by the European Parliament & is yet to receive any official recognition for his work by the Government of India.Instead it has been reported that he is a “persona non grata” for some sections of the Indian officialdom-  as his stance supposedly hurts Indian industry.Narendra Modi has felicitated him after the announcement of the Peace Prize.

Controversially,incidents relating to children being tutored to falsely speak about their alleged bondage have been cited to disprove the Mr Satyarthi’s credentials as a genuine choice for the Peace Prize & the the Nobel Committee has been accused of bias & favouring NGOs affiliated to western countries.

Even the Nobel Committee’s statement that “It is an important point for a Hindu and a Muslim, an Indian and a Pakistani, to join in a common struggle for education and against extremism,” was criticised for hyphenating two unrelated issues & painting it in a religious hue. This was seen as “Christian Missionary Mischief” by Madhu Kishwar (as reported in the Global Post).

The timing of the announcement itself was interesting as it coincided with heightened confrontations between India & Pakistan.

Even earlier,the Nobel Peace Prize has occasionally raked up controversies. Henry Kissinger’s selection for his role in bringing an end to the Vietnam conflict was roundly criticised & his credentials as a war monger forced some Noble Committee members to resign.Then in 1994 Yasser Arafat shared the honours along with Israel’s Shimon Peres & Yitzhak Rabin & it was denounced globally for his terrorist credentials.

Mahatma Gandhi was nominated thrice for the Peace Prize but never received it. Quoting Wikipedia “Gandhi could do without the Nobel Peace prize. Whether Nobel committee can do without Gandhi is the question?”. And this cannot be undone as posthumous nominations are not made.

Another controversial rule stipulate that a Nobel Prize can only be shared by three individuals; sometimes only three in a team have been chosen thus raising heckles all around.

I need a comic relief now.

Did you know there are “Ig Nobel” awards as well to “honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think.”(Improbable Research).Some of the top winners are covered here on.All of these have later proven to have significant scientific utility beyond the obvious.

2000- The British Royal Navy “for ordering its sailors to stop using live cannon shells, and to instead just shout “Bang!” (After the government drastically cut military budgets.)

2003- W. Moeliker’s 2003 inquiry into the existence of homosexual necrophiliac ducks.

2007- USAF researchers at Wright Laboratory in Dayton, were working on : the “gay bomb.” ! To compel enemy soldiers to make mad, passionate love to each other instead of fighting a battle .(USAF reps did not attend the award ceremony & mercifully did not bomb the venue with the deadly aphrodisiac!!!).

2008 – study determining that lap dancers ear­n higher tips while ovulation.

2009–for inventing “a brassiere that is converted into a pair of protective face masks”!

Coming to the Amul Ad/ topical on Malala Yusufzai and Kailash Satyarthi.It depicts the two joint winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, seated side by side with the Amul girl holding the medals.The caricatures are seen in the attire associated with Mr Satyarthi & Ms Malala.The rostrum, the arch way & the “peace” dove with the olive branch rounds up the ad in a subtle manner.

The Tag Line..Satyartea aur Maskala …is a take on the names of the two winners & otherwise alluding to having a toast with Amul butter as a tea time snack.

The Punch Line…Noble Piece Prize..is a spin on the award conferred on Mr Satyarthi & Ms Malala as well as endorsing the Amul butter as the claimant for the noblest piece amongst all butter brands.

Malala’s struggles have been celebrated previously in an Amul ad in October 2013 while also marking the occasion of the release of her autobiography “I am Malala”.

The Nobel Prize signifies the highest honour that can be bestowed on an individual in the designated fields.Since there are so many claimants for the honours, the Nobel Committee does have an onerous task in remaining totally objective.And its creditable that it has remained above board mostly.To say that the Nobel is spiked with vested interest is to denigrate the legacy of the extraordinary men already feted by its awards.Also it is undeniable that at times the Peace Prize has been awarded or not awarded out of overbearing political interests.

The bottom line is that the legacy of these awards is ever enduring & most importantly it brings the spotlight on issues which merit attention & spurs others to follow & make efforts to make this a better & more knowledgeable place for us all.For us Indians however ,its a matter of pride that beginning with Rabindra Nath Tagore , eight other Indians (including Mother Teresa) have been honoured by the Nobel Committee & cover all categories of the Nobel!

In the end-I wonder if the following will find a place in the list of “Ig Noble” awards

—Effect of knuckle cracking on the mental balance of Pervez Musharraf (for his recent ballyhoo on India-Pakistan dynamics).

10 December 2014,Oslo

Kailash Satyarthi and Malala Yusufzai  today received the Nobel  Peace Prize for their pioneering work in promoting child rights in the Indian Subcontinent.It was awarded to them by the Chairman of the Nobel Committee Thorbjorn  Jagland in Oslo today.They received received the Nobel Medal which is 18 carat green gold plated with 24 carat gold and weighs around 175 gms. 

Both recipients addressed the gathering which included King Harold V of Norway and former Pakistan PM  Yusuf Raza Gilani. President Barak Obama also congratulated the winning duo.

OMG! DEEPIKA PADUKONE & THE “DIRTY TIMES”!

When a leading daily decided to “showcase” the cleavage of actress Deepika Padukone ,it had no idea of the furore about to unfold.Spurred by a spirited counter attack by the actress herself,celebrities & netizens tore into the reputation of the Times of India (TOI).

On 14 September 2014, TOI Entertainment tweeted a link to a web photo gallery with the caption: “OMG: Deepika Padukone’s cleavage show.” The clips shows Deepika wearing a low cut dress designed by Anaita Shroff Adajania for the trailer launch of Chennai Express in 2013

Padukone responded by tweeting -“YES! I Am a Woman. I have breasts AND a cleavage! You got a problem!!??”.

Within no time Deepika was hailed as a crusader.Her reaction was re tweeted more than 7,000 times & #IStandWithDeepikaPadukone started trending.

The newspaper has since tried to backtrack telling her the tweet was intended as a “compliment” !

Padukone came up with her Point of View,titled -My issue is objectification of a real person!In this the actress essentially arguing that the media & the society in general should differentiate between the “REEL” world, depicted by the characters she portrays & the “REAL” world wherein she is woman & deserves to be treated with respect & not objectified by showcasing parts of her body for the sake of head lines & leveraging the power of “influence to proliferate recessive thought”.

TOI came up with its defence wherein it accepted the actresses’ “reel versus real argument” but accused her of hypocrisy especially since she has been photographed “flaunting her body off screen” in “real” life.

Not accepting the faux pas & facing the heat from rivals (who have themselves indulged in similar “objectification”), TOI put forth a vacuous argument & justified its actions by disregarding the actresses’ reservations & confirming the notion that they totally ignored the fact that Deepika is a woman first & an actress later & she needs to be respected.

Media houses need to survive & sometimes they adopt reprehensible tactics (News of the World is a case in point) & justifying their scrupulousness by laying the blame on the society, that they present what is likely to be read or watched more!

Bollywood too is under the scanner for constantly raising the bar for indecency & vulgarity & relying on raunchy “item numbers”, in the name of artistic expression & that “the script demanded it”. Though Bollywood as an entity rallied around Deepika but it continues to perpetuate the very actions which are leading to the increasing objectification of women.

Shakespeare never needed a rape or an intimate scene or an “item number” to progress his script, yet he is known as the greatest playwright ever. Food for thought?

The women in Bollywood too need to stand up against being depicted as “Pinky hai paise walon ki”, or as ” Main to tanduri murgi hoon yaar,Gatkale saiyan alcohol se ” or inviting the hero with ” Aabroo ke silaayi khulegi, Sharm ka bhi lifafa phatega ,Kaddu katega to sab mein batega”.And please stop taking pride in being “item girls”..for an item is essentially an object!!!

Sadly, Deepika, you fumbled when Barkha Dutt asked if you would take the issue of objectification of women in films to its logical end? Your answer was the same banal “if the script demands”….

This is getting too serious!

I have realised that there are some who willingly get exposed & dont mind getting ripped of all dignity as well.And remain thick skinned enough to repeat their ridiculous acts.

Some of the “guests”  on Arnab Goswami’s News Hour are the chief culprits.

Peerzada from Pakistan, is a classic. Almost gullitioned each time that he appears on the show, yet in his exposure lies publicity & may be financial interests.After all “muft mein koi itni beizzati kyon karwayega”..okay i am not game for it !

Next – the spokespersons of political parties.

Rahul Gandhi tears an ordnance in public & gets kudos from his media team!!! Sakshi Maharaj rant about Love Jehad & their party spokesperson defends it by invoking everything under the sun & still doesn’t sound convincing! Stout defence can after all get them in the political fray itself!

Ajit Singh shamelessly tries to blackmail the government into letting him be a regularised “squatter” in a bungalow, by unleashing hordes of “distressed farmers” on New Delhi & its water supply. Exposed totally!! But appears next instant as the “lokpriya kisan neta”! And the closest that Ajit Singh has been to the word ” farmer” is when he orders the Farmhouse Pizza from Dominoes!

Kapil Sibal stated that there was zero loss to the exchequer in the 2G scam when the CAG pegged it at Rupees 1lakh 76 thousand crores!You see in a hurry to make brownie points ,Sibal saw 176 on one page & a pageful of zeroes on the other..and showcased his inteligence!!Then he wanted to be re-elected in 2014!!!

The nation & the crocodiles demand an answer for the secret of the thick skin on these stalwarts!!!!

Coming to the Amul ad/ topical on Deepika Padukone.It depicts a caricature of the actress wearing a similar gown as the one which generated the controversy.A bit of the cleavage too is shown to draw parallels.The Amul girl is the likely assistant while reporters are obscenely vying for odd angles to take sneak pics of the actress.

The Tag Line…Newspaperazzi…is an apt take on newspapers crossing the line & including tabloid & paperazzi content in the name of news.Thus the inglorious correlation of serious reporting with that of the paperazzi kind!

The Punch Line…Star Power…is inspired by the power of a star to stand for a cause & rally massive support.It also draws a parallel with the Amul butter being a star product with the power to pull customers!

Lastly, Deepika..Shah Rukh Khan..Hrithik Roshan..do take up cudgels against excessive violence, vulgarity & obscenity in films because most confuse the “reel for the real”!

And unlike all papers which reported the incident – I am not tagging this as the “Deepika Padukone cleavage row” .I don’t need publicity at the cost of a woman!

ALL HAIL MARY KOM -THE UNBREAKABLE ‘BHARATIYA NARI’ VER 5.1.1.1

She was just 18 and was going to church on a Sunday. Wearing a traditional wraparound dress she took a rickshaw.Suddenly the rickshaw puller caught her hand and tried to molest her.A kick and a punch later he was lying flat on the ground.The girl had saved herself.And destiny had played its card to give India its future Boxing World Champion – MC Mary Kom aka Magnificent Mary!

Born in a poor tribal family of Manipur, Mangte Chungneijang (MC) took up  boxing after Dingko Singh’s gold at the 1998 Asian Games and adopted the name Mary (her deep faith in God) & Kom (tribal title).Practising punches late into the night, her goal was simple: to lift her family out of poverty and live up to her name.

Women’s boxing had not come off age in India in the 1990s & early 2000 when Mary took up the sport.From fighting poverty,facing her father’s ire for making an unconventional choice to over coming her disadvantage of height and reach she braved it all and eventually came out on top.Mary was a multiple World Champion by 2006.Mary then gave birth to twin boys and took a two year break to raise them.Against all odds she once again won the AIBA Women’s World Boxing Championships in 2008 & 2010 and a Bronze at the 2010 Guangzhou Asian Games. 

Now the five time World Champion set her eyes on an Olympic berth and was the lone Indian woman boxer for the London Olympics 2012 where the sport was making its debut.Mary Kom won the Bronze and was the lone Indian boxer to win a medal.The fact that she was a mother of two only enhanced her reputation and people recognised the sacrifices the “super mom” had had to make to achieve her dreams.

Amul commemorated the feat with a fitting and odious ad depicting Mary Kom’s medal winning feat and her twins shown playing with the medal.

        

Taking a break and giving birth to her third child Mary soon went off the boxing map.In 2014 the sport made its debut at the Glasgow Common Wealth Games (CWG) and making a comeback Mary  lost to Pinky Jangra in the trials who went on to win the Bronze at Glasgow.

The daggers were out and the critics had written off Mary and some had even grudged her for promoting the biopic ‘Mary Kom’.In the final round of the 2014 Incheon Asian Games trials “the comeback girl ” once again fought Pinky Jangra.And Won!And the rest is history.

At Incheon Mary won the first ever Gold medal for an Indian women boxer at the Asian Games in a closely fought Fly Weight final. The legend of Mary Kom just got bigger- the Super Mom had now become the Unbreakable Wonder Woman.

This is where I come in with some hard facts.

A word of caution for the boyfriends of the MC Mary Kom Boxing Academy graduates- while on a date please carry head guard, gum shields, abdominal guard for the family jewels, insurance papers and a slip giving out whom to inform if found knocked out! And yes maintain distance- outside hooking range-when getting too mushy!

Amitabh Bachchan (Big B) will now need to be approached for re-shooting the famous song “Mere Angne Mein Tumhara Kya Kaam Hai” which extols the virtue of various kinds of wives – “Jiski Biwi Lambi,.Patli..Choti…” (tall,slim,short) – to add “Jiski Biwi Boxer…. uska kamre mein kya kaam hai”- obviously its better to sleep in another room than getting punched for snoring or for changing the TV channel without warning!

Infact with a “Boxer” wife most in-laws related issues are also likely to be resolved “amicably”.

I was wondering that its a good way to resolve political rivalries too.Boxing requires same height -weight opponents.So the line up for the marquee fights in the Indian Pollitics Boxing League for Women could be Jayalalita versus Mayawati, Sushma Swaraj versus Mamata Di, Uma Bharti versus Vasundhra Raje & Sonia Gandhi versus Aambika Soni.

Since Jayalalitha is jailed she can be matched up with Om Prakash Chautala as well (Learning of the prospect Mr Chautala immediately sought bail). For same “political corner” opponents, Arvind Kejriwal shall refer the bout , this way the opponents can atleast punch the referee and avoid a no contest!  And to resolve disputes the adjudicator shall be Suresh Kalmadi, for his impeccable record of integrity.

Coming to the Amul ad/ topical on Mary Kom.It depicts the release of the biopic ‘Mary Kom’.The scene is a take on a poster of the movie showing Priyanka Chopra (PC) as Mary Kom, attired in a similar sports gear and throwing a punch.The Amul Girl is shown as a second or a sparring partner holding the punching bag and wearing protective gear .The movie has been critically acclaimed and is aSanjay Leela Bhansali production, directed by Omung Kumar.

The Tag Line…Kombatant !… is a play on the name of MC Mary Kom and is a fitting expression for the boxer who has had to combat many a odd to reach the pinnacle of her sport.It also doubles up for denoting a fighter, which all boxers are.

The Punch Line..Everybody’s Favourite Box..is a subtle hint for the not so discerning that the strip is about a Boxer and ofcourse endorses the primma donna status of the Amul Butter as being the favourite butter box for all!

Before I sign off.A word for the “home minister” Onkohler-Mary Kom’s husband- Keep up the good work and you are as much an inspiration as your wife!!!

Lastly,Alia Bhatt should represent India in boxing to avoid Sarita Devi type judging and refereeing controversies.A walkover is a better option for her opponents – better than being alone with her for four rounds!!!! 

And my title is tribute to the unbreakable spirit of Mary Kom who has recast the image of a “Bharatiya Nari”.

The ver 5.1.1.1 – 5 World Championships, 1 Olympic Bronze Medal & 1 Asian Games Bronze & Gold Medal each!

The movie needs a sequel…2016 Olympics…Mary Kom…Gold! A PERFECT HAPPY ENDING!!!!

 

OSCAR “HOUDINI” PISTORIUS: ON THE BLADES OF INFAMY!

At 3 AM in the wee hours of Valentine’s Day in 2013, Oscar Pistorius,27, – the only double amputee Paralympic and Olympic athlete in the world- had just shot his 29 year old girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp at his Pretoria home. Pistorius was subsequently arrested on murder charges.This Amul strip showcases the court trial in this tragic tale of a love gone awry.

Oscar maintains that he shot Reeva mistaking her for an intruder.He says that waking from his sleep he had gone out to move the fan in and the room being pitch dark did not realise that Reeva had ,moved into the lavatory.He heard the washroom window open and challenged the “intruder” and then shot four times through the lavatory door.When he broke open the door he saw Reeva lying in a pool of blood in the brutal aftermath of his actions.

The defence has tried its best to make a fight out of a hopeless situation & even attempting to trumpet Oscar’s willingness to conform to authority-contrary to his earlier run ins with law and his image as a flamboyant playboy who was found obscenely socialising even in the period preceding the trial.         

Pistorius was also presented as having generalised anxiety disorder, which combined with his physical vulnerability – could have affected his actions on the fateful and left him incapable of realising the wrongfulness of his actions. 

Prosecution lawyer , Gerrie Nel is seeking a conviction on premeditated murder.He contends that Pistorius killed Reeva in a fit of rage after a heated argument with her.His irresponsible actions in the past – accidentally discharging a friend’s fire arm in a restaurant and firing on a traffic light after an argument with a cop – lent credence to the notion.Pistorius also lost credibility in court and emerged as a  – “deceitful, appalling and a poor witness” and his show of remorse and grief during the trial was termed staged and fake.

However Thokozile Masipa, the judge, ripped the prosecution claims and said that it had been unable to prove beyond reasonable doubt that Pistorius murdered Reeva with an intent.Instead she found him guilty of Culpable Homicide.Pistorius had already been tried by the media and assumed guilty of murder and seemingly had no case to defend and the “Not Guilty of Murder” verdict came as a shock.

Defence lawyer,Barry Roux had achieved what he set out to and Oscar Pistorius had done a “Houdini” and escaped a life term – for now.Sentencing is due on 12 October 14.

Pistorius is an exceptional athlete who overcame extreme disability and competed with able bodied counterparts in the London Olympics in 2012.For his achievements he had had the honour of being hosted by Nelson Mandela (Madiba).His triumph over adversity was acknowledged globally and in distant India too an Amul ad commemorated his historical participation in the London Olympics.

Then came the fall.And it was hard and devastating.

Moving on to some bizarre and fascinating facts that i came across while researching on the subject.

Police Investigators were like rampaging pachyderms at the crime scene.One of the “tuskers” even made off with a luxury watch belonging to Pistorius (probably hung around the trunk)! Shockingly enough, the watch was never found!

Fearing a repeat, the chief investigator then ordered removing the door of the lavatory cubicle (a key piece of evidence) to his office (???) as he felt that they “already had the experience of the missing watch, so we decided to take the door,” lest someone walked away with it as well!Who walks away with a blood splattered door???What good would it serve once removed from the crime scene?Interestingly the guy who ordered this,Van Rensberg, has since retired and become a sports coach (??!!!???) in a school.

Chew this now – .Photographs of the crime scene- a 4 m x 4m washroom- were taken by two Police photographers simultaneously.And they had different representations (!!) and the photographers do not even remember seeing each other!!! X Men for sure.!!!!!

Lastly, when tested in court for observation skills they could not spot the difference between two sets of their own Police tape.These dim wit cops have earned the right to be show cased in any future remake of Peter Seller’s “Pink Panther”  movies.

With Policemen of this calibre the prosecution still managed a conviction is a miracle indeed.

Judge Masipa seems to be straight out of comedy nights with Kapil.She believed a sobbing Pistorius when he said he did not think he would kill when he fired! Not her fault- after all when someone fires on a suspected intruder he does it thinking that that the weapon will “shoot” lollipops and not kill anyone!!! For this singular act of stupidity Masipa be rechristened as “Maha – Siyappa” (Grand Fiasco)!

The defence lawyer has done a good job but it could have been better.I am trying to get him to exchange notes with the defence team of a certain Lalu Prasad Yadav – accused of depriving the bovine specie of fodder (no he didnt consume it but simply duplicated receipts)- which managed to delay the verdict for 16 years and in the intervening years convinced prime witnesses and approvers to depart for their heavenly abodes!

Pistorius also lacked in his team a Shayan Munshi type “hostile witness”.Munshi has however coached Lalu’s victims – the cows- and they are soon arriving in South Africa ,as star “hostile witnesses”,in aid of the beleaguered defence team!

Coming to the Amul Ad/ topical on Oscar Pistorius.It depicts a contrite and remorseful Pistorius receiving the verdict from Masipa.The detailing is excellent as the black suit and Oscar’s body language during the trial has been amazingly captured.The Amul Girl is there ,in all proability,as the defence lawyer.Judge Masipa is depicted in her red gown.

 The Tag line …Mysterious Pistorius Verdict…is a take on the verdict finding him Not Guilty of murder in the face of compelling evidence as well as seemingly erroneous logic of the Judge.The verdict was much awaited and its anti climatic announcement has been depicted very well indeed.

The Punch line…The Final Word..is a well crafted aside on the disputed finality of the verdict and endorses the status of the Amul butter and brand as the final word when it comes to dairy products.

The truth of the fateful night is only known to Pistorius. And I am left shaking my head at the sad transformation of the “Blade Runner” in to a “Blade Gunner”.

This fracas had an unintended victim-Nike.The sports gear provider was forced to rethink on its “Just do it” slogan’.Why?Because three of its brand ambassadors -Tiger Woods,Lance Armstrong and Pistorius have stretched it a little too far- “Just do it…to hell with the consequences!” .

And a suggestion for all couples likely to argue- put a signboard outside your washrooms-“Using Toilet-Don’t Shoot” !!!

R.I.P Reeva Steenkamp (19 August 1983 – 14 February 2013).

21 October 14; Oscar Pistorius has been sentenced to 5 years in prison for culpable homicide and to 3 years for negligent discharge of a fire arm.The latter stands suspended.

The prosecution is undecided on an appeal.

WHEN MARIA SHARAPOVA MET GOD !

Had Maria Sharapova not asked the question in the picture above, we would have never had the ‘delectable’ Amul ad featuring Sachin Tendulkar and Maria Sharapova together!

There have been occasions when I have wondered what it is like to be Maria Sharapova – a 27 year old gorgeous 6ft plus blonde who has the tennis world at her feet with 5 Grand Slam wins to include a Career Grand Slam, who is also the richest sportswoman in the world and owns a delicious sounding candy brand ! I am sure the answer is as if ‘you are on top of the world’.

Also, for the record I am not a cross dresser or a drag artist wanting to unleash the woman within!!! I have wondered this about Federer, Ronaldo, Nadal and yes ..yes…wait .. Sachin Tendulkar .(The last name has saved my Twitter & Facebook account from crashing within 5 minutes of my posting this!!! )

Coming back to Maria Sharapova.

She  had her world turned upside down between 28 June  & 03 July 14 when she lost in the Wimbledon fourth round & also found herself on the receiving end of the wrath of India’s net savvy & cricket mad netizens.

And from being on  top of the world she found herself under a heap of  cricket bats , balls & stumps!!!To top it all, no amount of high decibel screeching (and when Maria screeches all the night owls of the world listen in awe…and her opponents are left in shock!) was going to get her out of the mess she found herself in (did she find Ness there? He’s in a mess too😎 ; read my earlier post ‘A Preity -Nessy Affair ?)

Sharapova’s travails began as an outcome of an innocuous query asked by a journo during the post match press interaction after her third round win at Wimbledon on 28th of June 14.The match had been witnessed by a number of famous sports personalities including David Beckham (English Premier League, La Liga & England Football star),Andrew Strauss (cricket) & a third idividual about whom the journo simply asked that;

‘Sachin Tendulkar was the other person who came in at the same time as David. Do you know who Sachin is?’

And Sharapova came up with a harmless ‘I dont’!!!

Just as she said it,the world came to a stand still in a mythical land named India..where tigers roam free and play cricket!

8For my non Asian friends (it should be non SAARC readers actually)I wrote what I meant .I did not mean ‘play with crickets’..yes..cricket is a game too..no..not played by insects or not about insects! Do you not want an Indian visa ever that you don’t know this most important virtue of Indian-ness?!!!( Ness again..This time I am not promoting my blog 😎) Wonder if cricket forms part of the test on British way of life that immigrants in the UK have to undergo..especially with the Britishers having invented the game! David Cameron..hope you are paying attention !!)

Okay ,we were at the world having come to a stand still.And when it moved again Sharapova was directly behind the after burner of an Indian backlash! Her mesmerising beauty counted for not even the cheapest cricket ball in India. When she said she did not know Sachin Tendulkar she had lived a part of her life for ever.From here on Sharapova will refer to her life story in two parts..Before I Knew Sachin Tendulkar. ..and… After I Knew Sachin Tendulkar !!!

How could you do this Maria?Even my smart phone knows him !!! The moment I type ‘Ten’ it fills the rest with ‘Tendulkar’!!And don’t even try misspelling Tendulkar as the damn set shuts down on its own and doesn’t rev up till I have recounted Tendulkar’s feats at least ten times over!!! The immediate reaction from the land of 17.5% of the world population was one of utter disbelief. Sharapova doesn’t know Sachin Tendulkar??? Sachin Tendulkar??? Sachin Tendulkar – The God of Cricket??? So she must pay for it! The high priest of the temples of Tendulkar had thus ordained that Maria Sharapova be taught a lesson for her sacrilegious ignorance.She was to be put on a rake for being an atheist as she did not know God!!! She was condemned to a life in hell!!

Angry supporters of Tendulkar, indignant at their God being a non entity for Sharapova, trashed her Twitter & Facebook pages with the choicest of abuses & insults. It came in such torrents that her page was swamped by 50000 messages in three days, castigating her for such blasphemous ignorance!!!

The storm did settled down, but not after Sharapova begged for mercy ,but when the social media buffs in India found another serious topic to lavish their attention on.And thankfully for Sharapova this time it was the speculation of Tiger Shroff ( a new comer Bollywood hero) being none other than Priyanka Gandhi (daughter of late Rajiv Gandhi) and the ambush marketing tactics of Neymar in favour of the makers of his underwear! (Did you think they were going to talk about the Union budget or women’s safety!!!)

A flip side to all this was the heightened sale of Sharapova posters (so these could be burnt during processions😎) and the possibility of Sachin Tendulkar being nominated for the Nobel Prize for Chemistry, Physics, Neuro Science, Biology and whatever else.This way the world would come to know of the game of cricket and it’s God!!! And being Indians we have been reasonable as we haven’t demanded the Nobel Prize for Sports , which doesnt exist and also for English and Peace as the former is the sign of slavery and has British origins (never mind that Cricket is a British invention too)and the latter will be opposed by Vladimir Putin as he is the main contender for it on account of the peaceful disintegration  of Ukraine! (A certain George Bush and Tony Blair have all the reasons to be miffed as their efforts in the unravelling of Iraq have gone unnoticed by the Nobel Committee!)

All in all the incident was quite a hilarious example of the reach and ‘over reach’ of the social media and the netizens in general. The ‘over the top’ reaction of the Indians did not factor in the fact that cricket is not part of the sporting culture of Russia and even Sachin Tendulkar will not know the name of the all time great of Russian Ice Hockey, a game followed with as much passion in Russia as cricket in India.

So Sharapova dear, don’t lose heart as your spat with ‘Soldiers of God (Sachin Tendulkar)’ in India or the ‘Mujahideen’ (literal translation) or should I say with the ‘Indian Mujahideen’ 😎😎😎 hasn’t made you lose fans instead it has earned you millions more! How? Well, your supposed ignorance has been splashed on the front pages all over India even in the vernacular press.That’s the segment which out numbers the netizens & the English speaking people by millions and millions! So stop wasting time and close down your ‘Sugarpova’ outlet at Wimbledon and open hundreds of them in India & a business tip that will surely work is to wrap the candy in Sachin Tendulkar’s visage based wrappers and give a free cricket ball as an incentive too.This way you would have atoned for your ‘sins’ as well as made money too! (Hire me Maria..hire me!!)

The incident was controversial enough to find favour with the Amul ad line & important enough to feature in the midst of the FIFA 2014 / World Cup 2014.

It depicts a tennis player, a pretty blonde, sitting with her racquet and scratching her head to desperately figure out who the gentleman is who is trying to introduce himself to her.The girl has the face of the Amul Girl but her hair style, pink dress, with matching shoes depicts the style of Maria Sharapova. The gentleman talking to her is in a black suit and shirt & tie & holding a poster of a cricket player in India colours with Sachin printed on it.The man is depicting Sachin Tendulkar, his body structure,  hair style & his dress is the same as was worn by the original the day he sat next to David Beckham while witnessing Sharapova’s 3rd round match.Details have been well picked up by the creator. The Tag Line…Maria , Share-a-poah with Sachin..is a wonderful take on the name of the tennis star Maria Sharapova & has combined it with the name of a delicacy of Maharashtra (the home state of Sachin Tendulkar) -Poha- is asking Maria Sharapova to share a Poha with Sachin Tendulkar & to get to know him better😁

The Punch Line…Known Everywhere…is once again establishing the universal appeal (in India) of the Amul Butter & takes a dig at the unseemly controversy about Sachin Tendulkar not be in known everywhere!!! I still feel that the winner is Sharapova as she is better recognised in India now than what Sachin would be in Russia as I wonder if the Russian press devoted any worthwhile space on the matter.

Lastly, this incident has come as a shot in the arm for the beleaguered intellectual capabilities of Alia Bhatt who has bettered Maria Sharapova as the former knows Sachin Tendulkar & the latter didn’t!!

As of right now the two protagonists of the strip are yet to comment on the controversy.And in the ‘After I Got to know Sachin Tendulkar’  phase of her life Maria Sharapova is bound to see better days as a celebrity in India & better sales of her candy product line! For her too ‘Achche din aayenge’ & she has Sachin Tendulkar to thank for it.God tussi great Ho! !! Really!

My advise to the social media buffs is that India is not the centre of the universe or the earth and claim to the ‘Middle Kingdom’ tag is of the Chinese! And don’t mess with the Chinese for they are better & meaner at computer games😎

Leaving you with the best memes on the Sachin Tendulkar -Maria Sharapova  (needless) controversy.

Sorry Sachin Tendulkar, Sharapova has put you & me in the same league.She doesn’t know both of us & I play cricket too !!!  

FIFA BITES SUAREZ 😈😈😈😈

The strip is a follow up on the previous one featured on the Luis Suarez ‘biting’ incident at the FIFA 2104 World Cup in Brazil.It came out in the newspapers on Friday,27th of  June instead of its traditional slot on a Wednesday and coincided with FIFA’s verdict in the “Chew-arez” episode.

FIFA Disciplinary Committee (FDC) handed Luis Suarez a record nine match ban for biting Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini in a group match thus leaving his World Cup dream in tatters.Suarez was also slapped a four month world wide playing ban that will keep him out of all competitions till 26th October 2014.Implying that the 27 year old Uruguayan will also miss the first nine games in the English Premier League (EPL).In addition the player was also fined 100000 Swiss Francs (Rs 67.3 lacs).

To round up the humiliation, Suarez has been barred from “entering the confines of any stadium” for the duration of the ban (thus saving any prospective player or spectator from experiencing the strength of a  Uruguayan jaw). Suarez has been found guilty of breeching Articles 48 (assault) and 57 (unsporting behaviour) of the FIFA  code of conduct.

Well, the serious bit(e) ends here.

Its absolute pandemonium when it comes to the reactions to the incident and now on its aftermath. The Uruguayan football team has certainly lost its bite (figuratively and literally) and it’s supporters seem to have developed a penchant for coming with a ridiculous yet sublime explanation for the appearance of the “Suajaws” in the game against Italy. The Uruguayan football Chief feels,“It’s a European Witch Hunt”! Had he said its a Vampire hunt it nay have found some support at least with Wesley Snipes (of the Blade fame) other than his countrymen. 

The President of Uruguay , Jose Mujica ,also threw his weight behind Suarez and sought to blame the process and not the trigger

“in football, I was taught that you obey what the referee says . If you are going to take decisions in football based  on what TV says, then there are loads of penalties and handballs.that you will have to give that weren’t given, so bad luck.”

He then went on to endorse Suarez’s stature as a role model when he said that

“We did not choose him to be a philosopher or a mechanic, or to have good manners.He is a great player.”

And the Uruguayan media termed the FIFA verdict as “barbaric” .Thankfully they did not term it “cannibalistic” or it would have been too close to the protagonist itself and FIFA and Suarez would have been painted by the same broad brush!!!!

Though my heart goes out to Suarez’s grand mother especially since she raised him, yet her statement that they threw out her “negreto” – “like a dog” – doesn’t really evoke the pathos it otherwise would have.I wonder what would happen if a canine given to biting enters a football field featuring Suarez then what would Suarez do or prefer to be done? Yes..you got it- he would throw out the dog!!! So how has FIFA behaved differently? Now that grand ma has my heart or a part of it I hope that the foregoing doesn’t make her toss it to her “negreto”!

Whatever be the opinion of the 3.5 million Uruguayans, the Latin American media, President Mujica and grand mama I tend to go with what ex Brazilian star Ronaldo has to say about the whole issue

“I never bit anyone.I know bites hurt. (If) my kids bite me they are punished in the dark room with the big bad wolf:that’s equivalent of not plying soccer for four months.”

Giorgio Chiellini, the famous Suajaws victim #3 feels that the punishment is too harsh and “alienating” for Suarez.Even Patrice Evra , Suajaws #2, voted for his tormentor while picking the bet player in the EPL.Maybe there’s something in the raw genius (not jaws) of Suarez which compels.even his victims to root for him.But does Suarez really care? And does he really see his rivals any different than a burger? 

When Suarez was 15 he head butted the referee who sent him our for a wild tackle.The refree was Luis Lauranaga.His name has been deliberately mentioned as it took sports writer Wright Thompson considerable effort (and weeks) to get to the bottom of the story amidst fervent denials and impassioned rebuttals from all those he interacted with in Uruguay while covering a piece on Suarez.The common refrain was that

“Sure , his head hit the referee’s face , but not on purpose!!”

I thought heads were far more in control of a player than his legs while darting around on a football field. When the Uruguayan media reports the latest Suarez special in a ‘matter of fact’ way that

“note how Suarez stumbles after jumping for the ball and how his face hits the shoulder of Chiellini”

It is indicative of the sense to protect someone vulnerable.And this vulnerability of Suarez probably stems from his family history and life wherein he was left behind with his grandmother at 7 when his parents moved with his six siblings to Montevideo Suarez had to rough it out on the street for mere survival.His impoverished surroundings and the divorce of his parents at 9 seem to have left an indelible mark on his psyche leaving him on tbe edge and turning him into a man given to compulsive violence. When Suarez was a kid and playing football he probably bit back the kid jostling hom out of position.It seems the kid in Suarez is periliously close to taking control of the adult in him whemever Suarez is close to implosion. Perhaps sensing this itself prompted Cathays Kelly to write in her column on 15th December 2013 that Suarez would probably do something insane at FIFA 2014 and then engineer an ugly transfer drama at world record fees to a club other than one in the EPL.The first part of the crystal gazing has come true and there is enough time for Suarez to make the second part happen.

We all love underdogs and more so of there is an eternal romantic hidden in the story.

Suarez was heart broken when he saw his sweetheart, Sofia ,moving to Spain in 2002.He is the impoverished come -from -behind kid who then dedicated his life to soccer and first made a move to Holland in the quest to reunite with his girl and then made it big in world club football to be able to marry her.What adds to the enigma of Suarez is that he met Sofia when he was a street sweeper and she was from a comfortable middle class family.

The fairy tale is now complete..rich girl..poor boy..struggle to stay together and finally love triumphs..boy gets girl..riches..becomes a world class footballer..has two kids and lives happily! He is a role model for all street kids..so where does the bite fit in? Luis Suarez is a part of the dreams of billions of underprivileged people and he is their God. It will take more than a bite to dislodge him.from his pedestal.And all those who are tempted to try will fail.For people love a hero and a flawed and persecuted hero is a God forever.

Coming to the Amul ad strip.Well it’s a repeat of the one featured earlier except for the tag line.

The tag line..Cannibal..is a description of the FIFA World Cup being played in the land of the Carnival and is being referred to as the Carniball It also a play on the word Cannibal due to the penchant for biting that Suraez has now come to be associated with.

Remaining strip is the same as the one previously discussed in BITE LIKE SUAREZ with the Amul Girl as the referee.

As of now Suarez has had his sponsors ditching him.Poker 888 has terminated it’s arrangement with him and Adidas has decided not to run ads with Suarez featuring in them.

Suarez needs help and that too urgently.It would be a pity too see him ruin himself this way. Zinedine Zidane , an Algeria immigrant , too squandered his legacy at the very end. And he too had a disturbed childhood.

W

BITE IT LIKE SUAREZ 😈😈😈

  This one is based on a little “BIT (E)” of an incident which took place in the match between Italy and Uruguay at the ongoing FIFA World Cup in Brazil . Before it ended the spectators weren’t too sure if Professor Hannibal Lecter had been let loose amongst them !

Italy and Uruguay went into this crucial Group D encounter with the knowledge that the winner will go through to the next round..and at the very least a draw will suffice for Italy to make the cut.And the Uruguayan players knew it from their experience of playing in Europe that in a situation like that there is no other team than Italy in world football which can play better for that result.

The scores remained level almost till the final whistle when finally in the 81st minute Uruguay broke through on the effort of their Captain Diego Godin, who jumped over the Italian defenders to score the all important winner which sent his team into the pre quarters and Italy packed their bags for a long haul international flight.

This was preceded by high drama when firstly the Italians were a man down for over 30 minutes in the second half and secondly because Luis Suarez could not keep his teeth in check! In the 73rd minute the Italians protested that their defender Chiellini had been fouled and BITTEN by Suarez.The referee seemed to have missed it but television reviews clearly showed Suarez digging deep into Chiellini’s left shoulder.

By the time the dust had settled over the famous Uruguayan win, the international media and the players community had come down heavily on Suarez and calls for a hefty punishment had gained traction . So much so that it prompted Evander Hollyfield, an ex World Heavy Weight Boxing Champ and a victim of a similar bodily assault by Mike Tyson during their title fight in the 90s (see photo below), to say that he guessed “any part of the body is up for eating” !!

This would have made Tyson sit up and pay attention as he never knew the glorious possibilities which existed in football (or toothball???) for him to ply his trade !!!

The incident would have evoked shock and (gn)awe at any point in time and involving any player.But when it comes to “Chewey” Luis the consternation is much more pronounced as apart from being a serial goal scorer he is also a serial biter! He has had two previous incidents wherein he has displayed a fetish for “toothball”. In 2010 he was dubbed the “Cannibal of Ajax” after he bit PSV Eindhoven’s Oltman Bakkal in a Dutch league game.This incident was also not noticed by the referee , but “Chew-arez” was later handed a seven match ban.

Later in 2013 during the English Premier League (EPL),while playing for Liverpool, Suarez was once again seen sinking his teeth into Chelsea’s Serbian defender Branislav Ivanovic. He was given a 10 match suspension for the same.

These are not the only on- field transgressions of Suarez.

In 2011 he allegedly racially abused Manchester United’ s Patrick Evra during an EPL game in October 2011.He remained unrepentant and was fined £40000 and banned for eight matches.Later he also refused to shake hands with Evra when the teams met again during the EPL. 

In the 2010 FIFA World Cup in a quarter final match against Ghana , Suarez deliberately caused a hand-ball at the goal mouth to  certain goal by the Ghanians. He was red carded but Uruguay went on to win the match and played the semi finals. “I made the save of the Tournament” was his unrepentant comment.

During the World Cup and also during the EPL in 2013 -14  it seemed that Suarez had turned over a new leaf as he was amongst the headlines for his impassioned effort and ability to finally harness his prodigious abilities. He had scored 31 EPL goals before coming to the FIFA 2014 and had also scored two breathtaking goals against England to knock them out of the tournament. And then out of the blue came the latest incident and that too at the high table of World football and in front of billions of fans. Maradona writes in his column that it was presumably the tight marking by the Italian defenders which led to the implosion of of Luis Suarez.A theory doing the rounds is that there was a probable provocation on the part of Chiellini wherein he may have “kick- started ” Suarez into such a blatantly unacceptable reaction.  Whatever be the provocation Suarez was grossly out of line with his behaviour and even more damning has been the revelation that there was a long standing enmity with Chiellini which has probably resulted in a bite being taken off his left shoulder. Uruguay and Italy had met in the third place match during the Confederations Cup in Brazil held in 2013 and even then Suarez had tried to bite the right shoulder of Chiellini during a tense match which was tied 2-2 at the end of regulation time. This match was eventually won by Italy on penalties.

As Uruguay can potentially go on to play four more games at FIFA 2014 the impending enquiry has assumed significance. In spite of the referee not seeing the offence the enquiry is still valid as FIFA  allows the use of  videos and any other evidence to punish players retrospectively.

More on the present status after we have discussed the the strip 😎 The strip shows a marauding #9 in white jersey climbing all over a hapless #3 in blue jersey and biting him on the left shoulder with anger in his eyes while the two jostle for ball possession.The caricatures are wearing the colour and numbered jersey of Luis Suarez and Chiellini respectively. The Amul Girl is shown in the traditional yellow and black attire of the referees at the FIFA World Cup.She is in all likelihood depicting the disciplinary role of the world body as the actual referee had not noticed the on- field offence . The eye for detail in the strip is a stand out effort.

The Tag Line…Kaata toh hai…ab chamach bhi mil jaye …..is an amazing spin on the hindi word for a fork as well as for biting.The need for the spoon is felt as a fork and a spoon are needed for savouring a dish. In this case the biting inspired strip is taking a dig at the likely penchant of Suarez to consider rival players as edible and thus the need for the full complement of eating implements. 

The Punch Line…Anytime Bite…is emphasising on the fact that the Amul butter can be relished at any time of the day just as Luis Suarez can be expected to bite anytime during a football match (I thank my stars for not ever having to be playing for or against him).

As of now the enquiry is still under way and Suarez’s lawyer and head of the Uruguayan football have rushed to Brazil to defend his case.They have also alleged a European conspiracy to weaken the effort of a South American and impoverished nation (or is it essentially to introduce A Uruguayan Vampire as most of them in the Twilight Series  and Vampire Diaries are of Caucasian ascent and probably not a positive endorsement of the Caucasian ethnicity !)

Before signing off one can’t help but wonder as to why someone on  top of his prowess would repeatedly indulge in a barbaric and violent manner to squander all he has garnered so far by way of fame , prestige and riches. Some sports psychologists are ascribing the difficult childhood that Suarez had,as one amongst seven children from an underprivileged background, for his bizarre and violent streak.What is also apparent is that this fallacy in Suarez is deep set and a few sessions of therapy can only widen the gap between two incidents and not prevent them.His denial at the post match press conference underscores this very fact wherein he is blatantly lying and attributing the entire sordid saga to a clash of shoulders as just “one of the things that happen on the football field”. (I hope Luis Suarez doesn’t come after me for this “biting criticism” of his behaviour !!!) The bottom line remains that Luis Suarez is a disgrace who has sullied the image of the game, his country and destroyed his own legacy.

A PREITY-NESSY AFFAIR?

The strip was inspired by the not-so-happily-ended relationship between Preity Zinta, a Bollywood actress and Ness Wadi a, a businessman and an industrialist.

The two had been in a relationship for five years and made a photogenic couple during the time.During the same period they became stake holders on the Indian Premier League (IPL) franchisee-Kings XI Punjab (KXIP). As the IPL grew from season 1 to 7…Preity and Ness grew apart to the point that the couple had a split.It was widely speculated that Preity Zinta would exit the franchisee as with an ‘ex’ on the board it would be difficult to continue. But on the contrary the arrangement did last and seemed to have been working well with KXIP finally striking it big in IPL 7.

And then came the news of Preity filing in a police complaint against Ness and alleging molestation by him!!!

The complaint mentioned that Ness publicly abused and attempted to hurt Preity during a match at Mumbai’s Wankhede Stadium on the 30th of May 2014 and that he even threatened to ‘make her disappear as she was a nobody’!!!! The incident evoked tremendous media attention  as Preity and Ness were considered to have had a graceful break up and obviously..barring politics.. celebrity news sells more than the state of the economy or farmers 🙂

The strip has captured the incident well..With a shocked Preity being depicted by a caricature with uncanny resemblance to her and especially her attire during the IPL. She is shown being spoken to by a man with a  threatening demeanour pointing a finger…the caricature resembling Ness Wadia. The two are being shown to be separated by the Amul Girl. …who is shown even attempting to make the quarrelling couple patch up…symbolising the wish of millions following the event and the couple’s romantic past.

The Tag Line..A Preity-Nessy Affair? is a play on the names of the protagonists and brings out the sordid and ‘messy’ end to the ‘affair’between the two.The question mark in the end shows that the truth is yet to be established in the matter.

The Punch Line….No Fighting Over It….by subtly comparing the dispute between the protagoniats the strip establishes the undisputed status of the Amul line of products.

The subject of the strip was interesting as it had to compete with the just ‘kicked off’ FIFA World Cup in Brazil!!!

The present situation is that the police is investigating the matter, Ness Wadia’s father Nusli Wadia has received gangland threats over the issue from Australia (??) and Preity Zinta has returned from her trip abroad to record her statement. Both the protagonists of the strip have recorded their statements with the police.

Ness has submitted a list of nine witnesses to counter the claims of Preity Zinta and has even levelled his own set of charges against Preity! Good advert for the beleaguered male fighting back the evil intent of an estranged beau!

The social media is vertically split between Pretty-Ness and a tug-o -war is on in the right earnest.

Meanwhile somewhere in Australia -a “no one (n) messes with the Zinta” -mob is actively seeking out the cell numbers of the nine witnesses offered to be guillotined by Ness Wadia. Easier would have been to make a follow up call to daddy Nusli and ask for the numbers on Whatsapp! I read somewhere that the police was trying to find out how the Wadia family cell numbers reached Australia…no clues yet..so my advise to the ‘chosen nine’ to switch to a pigeon based communication system as the best bet against the imminent ‘deep throated call’ from Down Under!

Watch this space as there will definitely be another Amul strip on the ‘Preity-Nessy Affair’ 😎