YEH INDIA KA CRICKET HAI -PART I : WAG(GING) TALES & SILLY POINTS !

The Indian cricket team were 1-0 up after the first two Test Matches during their much anticipated tour of the Ol’ blighty. Soon, they self-destructed and lost the series 1-3 ! The Englishmen had made the Indians dance to their tune yet somehow it was the players Wives and Girlfriends (WAGs) who took the blame ?!!!

India’s humiliating capitulation in the last three Test Matches to an otherwise down and out English cricket team led to the players’ commitment being questioned.The team manager’s unequivocal assertion was that the presence of the WAGs of the Indian cricketers was the primary cause of the debacle. Though, I never saw a single WAG either bowl an over or take to the crease, did you? And none of them dropped all those catches in the “slip cordon” either!!! So what was this much ado about a “silly point” that only emerged when the team started faring badly from the third test onwards?

Drastic steps such as introducing Ravi Shastri as the Team Director were initiated and so was a ruthless witch hunt. The fall guy was India’s prolific young batsmen, Virat Kohli. Slated to take over the Captaincy, his fall was the hardest.

Kohli’s cricketing technique, temperament and personal life were now under severe strain and scrutiny. With his good looks he is quite a heartthrob and understandably anything about him sells. The supposed Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma affair was already subject to much speculation and more so when the Bollywood starlet accompanied Kohli on the England tour. Possessing imperious talent, Kohli managed a mere 138 runs in the series. His failure was deemed as one of the main reasons for the Indian debacle, which in turn was blamed on the presence of Anushka in England.

The presence of wives is generally acceptable on long tours or at the discretion of the BCCI. But the presence of a girlfriend, set the tongues wagging about many a juicy tale. BCCI revealed to sources that this was allowed as Kohli and Anushka would soon be tying the knot and that Kohli was made responsible to keep things as unobtrusive (???) as possible. But this plan did not factor India’s mauling by the Englishmen.

It can be argued that on long and arduous overseas tours the presence of a cricketer’s WAG can help a him to cope with the physical and mental rigours. Conversely, a tiff with the “missus”, partner’s illness or the worry as to how to take care of her issues while the guy is busy being a modern day Gladiator, can cause just enough distractions for him to come undone, when it counts the most.

It’s also important that a players’ personal life not be subject to relentless media scrutiny that it has a telling effect on his relationship as well as his psyche. It must have been quite an experience for Virat and Anushka to handle the fallout in their personal lives. Kohli must have spent restless hours planning his defence for Anushka’s presence rather than worry about James Anderson, the Englishmen repeatedly getting him out cheaply. Had he shared the room with Anderson, insinuating headlines like – INDIAN BATSMEN REVEALS HIS SECRET TO ENGLISH BOWLER – would have been a much better prospect than what he actually suffered.

I remember Sir Vivian Richards during his tour of India was linked to actress Neena Gupta and none of the accompanying controversy ever touched our lives till almost the time their daughter Masaba was born. It was so sudden that there was no time for traditional therapies (like consuming 5 male fruits) to ensure that Master Richards was born in India to perpetuate his father’s legacy. (Hope Anushka reads this …please God !)

By the way, a lesson for Kohli, Richards did not suffer a lean patch during that tour either on or off the field, irrespective of his other dalliances.

The Amul ad/ topical on Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma captures the raging controversy on the supposed impact of Ansuhka’s presence in England, on Virat Kohli’s batting form during the India – England Cricket Series in 2014.It depicts a dance scene from the “Clear Shampoo” ad campaign that the protagonists have done together. It shows a caricature depicting Virat in a black suit, akin to the ad, sharing the famous “leg lock” with the Anushka depicted by the Amul Girl.To underscore distraction, a caricature of female fan of Virat Kohli is seen standing with a bat and his photo behind the dancing couple and yet she is distracted by a toast laced with Amul butter.

The Tag Line..Kohli-Peeli Anushka Ko Blame Mat Karo…is a play on the name Kohli as well as a Mumbaiyaa slang “Khali Peeli” meaning “unnecessarily”. The entire line subtly draws a link between Kohli and Anushka and implies not to “unnecessarily blame Anushka” for the formers cricketing failures.

The Punch Line…Distracts You…is a take on the raging controversy over what distracted Kohli to perform poorly in England and at the same time endorses the Amul Butter which is good enough to distract the customer with its sheer quality.

Personally, I am glad Anushka is just a love lorn distraction. What if she would have been an alleged bookie? Llike Veena Malik was allegedly one while associated with Mohammad Asif??? What if a British Tabloid had revealed for the benefit of all, including Kohli, that Anushka was actually born a boy, like it happened for Michael Phelps when he got to know that his girl was actually a boy at birth and that she had concealed this from him. Imagine the controversy then !And unlike some England WAGs on the same tour, at least Anushka is strong hearted and wasn’t creating a scene by claiming to see ghosts even if she actually did. So she can be trusted to keep Kohli afloat in his tough times too !

So in that sense, for Kohli, “yeh hi right choice baby” !

And our boy is a gem as well. What if Kohli was a truant and instead of Anushka being the cause of his failures it would have emerged that while on tour he was actually having group XXX – a la Herschele Gibbs in Australia. For that matter what if he would have taken a leaf out of Shane Warne’s book and had texted lewd messages to nurses and teachers and hopelessly mixed up the recipients. Or found inducing gullible junior players to spot fix a la Salman Butt !!!

So fellas, the boy and the girl are pretty okay and let’s leave them to their own devices.

It’s never easy being a cricket widow, what with cricketers spending an average of 140 nights away from home. The growing incidence of divorces in English Cricket are an example of the predicament in which a cricket couple finds themselves. Its time the BCCI put in place a policy not only for figuring out travel rosters for WAGs and the family but also for their well being while abroad, lest some hapless cricketer is left thinking of his partners situation rather than the match situation while facing Mitchell Johnson bouncers bowled at over 150km an hour !

Watch out for Part II.

Post Script; April 2015

Virat Kohli’s disappointing performance in the knock out games in the World Cup came in for critical review as it seemed that young firebrand and the Indian Test Captain , for all his imperious talent had yet to learn how to handle the pressures and weight of expectations of being a frontline Indian cricket player, especially in big ticket games.He is being touted as the next Tendulkar, but he has a long long long way to go before he can emulate the maestro.Its not about the cricket scores alone, its also about the temperament and the ability to soak pressure, which Tendulkar did admirably for 25 years and stayed at the top of his game dishing out one memorable performance after another.

The adoring millions turned against Virat Kohli ,as they sought to vent their ire and lay the blame for the loss of their team at the World Cup.The presence of his girlfriend , Bollywood actor, Anushka Sharma, with him during the World Cup once again coincided with Virat’s poor form and led to blame being laid on her for his poor batting performance.Her presence was considered as the reason for Kohli losing his focus and concentration.Lots of netizens ripped into the duo and anequal number lent them support as well.Kohli and Sharma exited the airport, on arrival in India, holding hands and looing distraught and uncertain and clearly seeking solace and comfort in each other.

Also, Kohli’s misbehaviour with journalists and intemperate and immature on field spats an reactions point towards a larger malaise in the talented player.He needs to channelise his energies correctly or he may find that “jab tak balla chalta hai , tab tak thaath hain !”

This Amul ad/ topical on Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma captures the criticism that the duo faced for Kohli’s poor performances with the bat.It shows two caricatures, depicting Virat and Anushka sitting togethr and tending to each other, with the Amul Girl offering them the delicious Amul butter laced toasts.The topical captures the cricket player’s and the Bollywood actor’s romance especially in the backdrop of the negative publiciy that the duo received.

The Tag Line …Sab ne bana di jodi…  is a play on the Anushka starrer Rabb ne bana di jodi and hints at the Virat and her being a couple.

The Punch Line …Have It NHow… is a play on the word “now” with the first two letters in the word “NHow” ,subtly reminding us of Anushka’s home production NH 10, in which she also stars in the lead role.

This is not the end of the story.There’s much more and i am sure they will be happy tidings to say the least.