Brazil vs Germany, first semi final of FIFA 2014 , was bound to trigger a response from the Amul ad line.But it would be to commemorate a 7 – 1 win for the Germans over Brazil (!!!) was unthinkable & inconceivable to say the least!

 Brazil – 5 time World Champions &the ‘eternal & sentimental’ favourites’  (hosts of the FIFA World Cup 2014) were taking on the ‘ruthlessly clinical ‘ Germans in the third ever meeting between the two nations at the World Cup.  Brazil had won on both occasions, with the most recent being the 2 – 0 win over Germany in the FIFA 2002  World Cup Final.

Current form was in favour of Germany as they had been efficient in swatting away all opposition.And Brazil had been scrappy & were coming through after two emotionally draining matches against continental rivals & were without their talisman Neymar (injured) & stellar defender & Captain,Thiago Silva (suspension).

The hosts were  the underdogs in ‘The Game’ of the tournament so far.

By this time, Lalu Yadav, an innovative Indian, had already set sail with a milion buffalos ,specially trained, to storm the pitch if things did not go in Brazil’s favour.

Armed with the knowledge of the buffalo contingent being available to shore up flagging fortunes,Luis Felipe Scolari, Manager of the Brazilian Team set into motion his strategy.He realised that the buffaloes,once on the pitch, will need guidance to execute their task so he included two Brazilian buffaloes in the starting line up – namely Fred & Hulk.Both these bovine clones behaved like clowns on the pitch for 90 minutes & simply waited for the buffaloes to arrive!!!

What about football???Well,the Germans were playing football isn’t it?Within the first 15 minutes they had scored their first goal! Thomas Muller scored the fifth of this tournament & 10th in 12 World Cup matches!

Scolari now asked for the buffaloes to be brought in.He was politely informed that the ship carrying the Indian Buffaloes had not even made it past Indian customs! This had an unnerving influence on Scolari & the Brazil players. They immediately anointed David Luiz & Marcello as the buffaloes in charge for storming the pitch!!!

Now with four bovines on the pitch Brazil was seemingly in control & would surely restore the situation by running around aimlessly & waiting for a miracle to happen.But my friends,buffaloes don’t play football!Now Brazil were left to play with 7 against the German Wehrmacht! Even out of these seven,six decided to enjoy the German grace & their mechanical precision as they had the best seats in the stadium & left the football to Julio Cesar,the Brazil goal keeper!!!Wish someone had discussed with him as well 🙂

Cesar played football for the full 90 minutes.But he doesn’t have any recollection of what transpired between minutes 23 & 29 in the game.He refuses to believe the television replays showing four goals being scored by the Germans in a Blitzkrieg 6 minutes!It all began with the goal in the 23′ which perched Miroslav Klose at the top of list for the the all time goal scorer in the World Cup.

Cesar also disputes the fourth goal.He claims its a replay of the third goal (both scored by Kroos) & that the Germans need to play & score & not rely on TV graphics!!!

By the 29th minute the German draw of lots had thrown up the name of the defender Kheidra to score next & he obliged immediately, leaving the four buffaloes & six player cum spectators with nothing to do other than give bemused looks! It would have been better had they ‘moooed’ together.That would have been the only teamwork demonstrated by Brazil other than putting to shame their rich football legacy & break millions of Brazilian hearts.

Till sometime back Scolari could be seen bearing a caption which read        ” Brace yourself – The 6th is coming!” (alluding to the quest for the 6th World Cup win).Again no one told this to Cesar & the 6th did come ,but a goal,thumped in mercilessly into the back of the Brazilian net by the German substitute Schurrle in the 69th minute.

He seemingly did not like his own effort & bettered it by scoring the 7th goal of the match in the 79th minute!History had been made.It was the biggest victory margin for any team in the semi finals of the FIFA World Cup!And after this the ignominy & misery of the Brazilian spectators was complete.And to compound things they started chanting “Ole” at each completed German pass!

Now i was a German too & fervently wished for an 8th goal.It did happen but was made by the Brazilians when they finally pulled one back through Oscar.

It is this sequence of events which has inspired the Amul ad strip.It shows a reeling goal keeper lying in the back of his own posts with seven footballs around him.The silver – grey dress & # 12 on the keeper are depicting the Brazil gloveman Julio Cesar & the seven balls around him are for the number of goals scored by the Germans.

The Tag LineArre O Samba, Kitne Goal Thhe?is a creators delight.The line simply translates into a man named Samba(depicted by the hapless goal keeper) is being asked by the Amul Girl as to how may goals were scored? Its inspired from the plight of the Brazilians who are from the land of the Samba.And also appealsto Indian movie / Bollywood buffs who have grown up on the famous lines of the villain Gabbar Singh  (Amjad Khan) from the movie ‘Sholay’ asking his henchman- Sambha (Mac Mohan)-  the same question,but about his adversaries & not goals !!!

The Punch Line..Hum Ek-Saath Haindepicts the final score line of the match; 1-7 as ‘ek’ is 1  & ‘saath’ depicts ‘saat’ which means 7 in Hindi! The hyphen in the phrase has been intelligently placed to give it a score like look.The line itself is again based on a Bollywood title -Hum Saath Saath Hain !

This was Brazil’s first loss at home in 12 years.Its first loss at home in a competitive match in 39 years.Its biggest defeat in FIFA World Cup ever.Its biggest defeat since 1920 when Brazil lost to Uruguay 6 -0.And of course the biggest victory margin for a winning team in a FIFA World Cup semi final match.

The Germans had their numbers too.They scored more goals than their last 6 semi final appearances.They scored more goals than England has in its last two FIFA World Cup campaigns.They have now scored a total of 223 goals at the World Cup,more than any other team.

The defeat has been a disaster & the semi final turned out to be a humiliating fiasco for Brazil.They missed Thiago Silva in defence & Neymar in attack,They also started with bovine equivalents rather than footballers.Substitutes Willian,Paulhino & Ramires came in the second half & provided respectability to the Brazillian game.They should have started the match as the first 11 & not substitutes.Fred & Hulk should have been locked up in the nearest cowshed or their kidnapping organised through the good offices of the Al Qaeda & ISIS.David Luiz,,well he doesn’t need to explain his idiotic display as NASA is doing him a favour by attempting to decode his preposterous performance.And as for Marcello, he has been awarded honorary German citizenship for his role in assisting the Germans in securing 5-0 first half lead.Some of the current players will never recover from this defeat & some will never feature in the canary yellow jersey again!

This loss for Brazil will rankle for decades to come just like their loss to Uruguay at the Maracana in the 1950 World Cup Finals is still talked about, only this disaster unfolded a match earlier in the tournament.The Brazil players were overawed & unnerved by the weight of the expectations & proved easy picking for the Germans.The Manager, Scolari erred in selecting the correct combination & overlookin experienced Robinho & Kaka.

The game at Belo Horizonte will be remembered for the day football died in Brazil The day when the Die Maanschaft inflicted the ‘Shame of Shames’ on the Selecao!

After the loss at the Maracana in 1950 the Brazilians had even ditched their all white gear to do away with any reminder of that painful loss to Uruguay.

One can only hope that Brazillian football will recover from this loss or else they will find themselves in wilderness for a long time to come.Brazil’s President Dilma Rouseff sums it up well

” Like every Brazilian,I am very,very sad about this defeat.I am immensely sorry for all of us.Fans & our players.”

In the end I thank the Germans for reminding us through their display in winning 7 – 1, that football remains a beautiful game. 

Last heard , the buffaloes have started their journey & are presently swimming across to Brazil with Lalu Yadav in tow!


  1. Guys it was German “Schwerpunktz” … the captain’s absence no one gave the cue to jullious Caesar ….” inn kutton ke aage mat naachna” and he danced and danced like our desi MJ of revolver rani…singing miss u Michael Jackson……every time missing the ball and shouting…..aaaauuu…..” utterly butterly disgusting….defeat”


    1. Wonder if the Selecao can make a comeback against the Netherlands? And worse still the buffaloes are further delayed as they could not hazard a passage through the Suez lest they become prime beef ! So Brazilian hopes now rest on these bovine es making it through the Cape of Good Hope😂 No place to hide now isn’t it Scolari?


  2. U can now think n plan to watch the Finals without Brazil coz the tickets are availae as free pass in donation after a brutal semis. It’s 1 Bra 7 crore if u go by Alia Bhatt’s IQ.


  3. Fantastic. And truly the match looked like a Xbox game when the Germans were clobbering the hosts. But my heart goes out for the Brazilian fans who appeared to be in an unexpected trance.
    And to rub salt to their wounds the next match too was humiliatingly forgetful.
    Love ur acerbic analysis.


    1. The only one who wasn’t involved in the melee in the semi finals-Thiago Silva-turned out to be the joker in the 3rd place play off with his penalty soaked infringement of Robben. And dear David Luiz continued his ‘buffalo run’ to hand the Dutch the best possible pass inside the Brazilian penalty area!!!


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