FIFA BITES SUAREZ 😈😈😈😈

The strip is a follow up on the previous one featured on the Luis Suarez ‘biting’ incident at the FIFA 2104 World Cup in Brazil.It came out in the newspapers on Friday,27th of  June instead of its traditional slot on a Wednesday and coincided with FIFA’s verdict in the “Chew-arez” episode.

FIFA Disciplinary Committee (FDC) handed Luis Suarez a record nine match ban for biting Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini in a group match thus leaving his World Cup dream in tatters.Suarez was also slapped a four month world wide playing ban that will keep him out of all competitions till 26th October 2014.Implying that the 27 year old Uruguayan will also miss the first nine games in the English Premier League (EPL).In addition the player was also fined 100000 Swiss Francs (Rs 67.3 lacs).

To round up the humiliation, Suarez has been barred from “entering the confines of any stadium” for the duration of the ban (thus saving any prospective player or spectator from experiencing the strength of a  Uruguayan jaw). Suarez has been found guilty of breeching Articles 48 (assault) and 57 (unsporting behaviour) of the FIFA  code of conduct.

Well, the serious bit(e) ends here.

Its absolute pandemonium when it comes to the reactions to the incident and now on its aftermath. The Uruguayan football team has certainly lost its bite (figuratively and literally) and it’s supporters seem to have developed a penchant for coming with a ridiculous yet sublime explanation for the appearance of the “Suajaws” in the game against Italy. The Uruguayan football Chief feels,It’s a European Witch Hunt”! Had he said its a Vampire hunt it nay have found some support at least with Wesley Snipes (of the Blade fame) other than his countrymen. 

The President of Uruguay , Jose Mujica ,also threw his weight behind Suarez and sought to blame the process and not the trigger

“in football, I was taught that you obey what the referee says . If you are going to take decisions in football based  on what TV says, then there are loads of penalties and handballs.that you will have to give that weren’t given, so bad luck.”

He then went on to endorse Suarez’s stature as a role model when he said that

“We did not choose him to be a philosopher or a mechanic, or to have good manners.He is a great player.”

And the Uruguayan media termed the FIFA verdict as “barbaric” .Thankfully they did not term it “cannibalistic” or it would have been too close to the protagonist itself and FIFA and Suarez would have been painted by the same broad brush!!!!

Though my heart goes out to Suarez’s grand mother especially since she raised him, yet her statement that they threw out her “negreto” – “like a dog” – doesn’t really evoke the pathos it otherwise would have.I wonder what would happen if a canine given to biting enters a football field featuring Suarez then what would Suarez do or prefer to be done? Yes..you got it- he would throw out the dog!!! So how has FIFA behaved differently? Now that grand ma has my heart or a part of it I hope that the foregoing doesn’t make her toss it to her “negreto”!

Whatever be the opinion of the 3.5 million Uruguayans, the Latin American media, President Mujica and grand mama I tend to go with what ex Brazilian star Ronaldo has to say about the whole issue

I never bit anyone.I know bites hurt. (If) my kids bite me they are punished in the dark room with the big bad wolf:that’s equivalent of not plying soccer for four months.”

Giorgio Chiellini, the famous Suajaws victim #3 feels that the punishment is too harsh and “alienating” for Suarez.Even Patrice Evra , Suajaws #2, voted for his tormentor while picking the bet player in the EPL.Maybe there’s something in the raw genius (not jaws) of Suarez which compels.even his victims to root for him.But does Suarez really care? And does he really see his rivals any different than a burger? 

When Suarez was 15 he head butted the referee who sent him our for a wild tackle.The refree was Luis Lauranaga.His name has been deliberately mentioned as it took sports writer Wright Thompson considerable effort (and weeks) to get to the bottom of the story amidst fervent denials and impassioned rebuttals from all those he interacted with in Uruguay while covering a piece on Suarez.The common refrain was that

“Sure , his head hit the referee’s face , but not on purpose!!”

I thought heads were far more in control of a player than his legs while darting around on a football field. When the Uruguayan media reports the latest Suarez special in a ‘matter of fact’ way that

“note how Suarez stumbles after jumping for the ball and how his face hits the shoulder of Chiellini”

It is indicative of the sense to protect someone vulnerable.And this vulnerability of Suarez probably stems from his family history and life wherein he was left behind with his grandmother at 7 when his parents moved with his six siblings to Montevideo Suarez had to rough it out on the street for mere survival.His impoverished surroundings and the divorce of his parents at 9 seem to have left an indelible mark on his psyche leaving him on tbe edge and turning him into a man given to compulsive violence. When Suarez was a kid and playing football he probably bit back the kid jostling hom out of position.It seems the kid in Suarez is periliously close to taking control of the adult in him whemever Suarez is close to implosion. Perhaps sensing this itself prompted Cathays Kelly to write in her column on 15th December 2013 that Suarez would probably do something insane at FIFA 2014 and then engineer an ugly transfer drama at world record fees to a club other than one in the EPL.The first part of the crystal gazing has come true and there is enough time for Suarez to make the second part happen.

We all love underdogs and more so of there is an eternal romantic hidden in the story.

Suarez was heart broken when he saw his sweetheart, Sofia ,moving to Spain in 2002.He is the impoverished come -from -behind kid who then dedicated his life to soccer and first made a move to Holland in the quest to reunite with his girl and then made it big in world club football to be able to marry her.What adds to the enigma of Suarez is that he met Sofia when he was a street sweeper and she was from a comfortable middle class family.

The fairy tale is now complete..rich girl..poor boy..struggle to stay together and finally love triumphs..boy gets girl..riches..becomes a world class footballer..has two kids and lives happily! He is a role model for all street kids..so where does the bite fit in? Luis Suarez is a part of the dreams of billions of underprivileged people and he is their God. It will take more than a bite to dislodge him.from his pedestal.And all those who are tempted to try will fail.For people love a hero and a flawed and persecuted hero is a God forever.

Coming to the Amul ad strip.Well it’s a repeat of the one featured earlier except for the tag line.

The tag line..Cannibal..is a description of the FIFA World Cup being played in the land of the Carnival and is being referred to as the Carniball It also a play on the word Cannibal due to the penchant for biting that Suraez has now come to be associated with.

Remaining strip is the same as the one previously discussed in BITE LIKE SUAREZ with the Amul Girl as the referee.

As of now Suarez has had his sponsors ditching him.Poker 888 has terminated it’s arrangement with him and Adidas has decided not to run ads with Suarez featuring in them.

Suarez needs help and that too urgently.It would be a pity too see him ruin himself this way. Zinedine Zidane , an Algeria immigrant , too squandered his legacy at the very end. And he too had a disturbed childhood.

W

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BITE IT LIKE SUAREZ 😈😈😈

New Doc 6_1   This one is based on a little “BIT (E)” of an incident which took place in the match between Italy and Uruguay at the ongoing FIFA World Cup in Brazil . Before it ended the spectators weren’t too sure if Professor Hannibal Lecter had been let loose amongst them !

Italy and Uruguay went into this crucial Group D encounter with the knowledge that the winner will go through to the next round..and at the very least a draw will suffice for Italy to make the cut.And the Uruguayan players knew it from their experience of playing in Europe that in a situation like that there is no other team than Italy in world football which can play better for that result.

The scores remained level almost till the final whistle when finally in the 81st minute Uruguay broke through on the effort of their Captain Diego Godin, who jumped over the Italian defenders to score the all important winner which sent his team into the pre quarters and Italy packed their bags for a long haul international flight.

This was preceded by high drama when firstly the Italians were a man down for over 30 minutes in the second half and secondly because Luis Suarez could not keep his teeth in check! In the 73rd minute the Italians protested that their defender Chiellini had been fouled and BITTEN by Suarez.The referee seemed to have missed it but television reviews clearly showed Suarez digging deep into Chiellini’s left shoulder. images-19images-10

By the time the dust had settled over the famous Uruguayan win, the international media and the players community had come down heavily on Suarez and calls for a hefty punishment had gained traction . So much so that it prompted Evander Hollyfield, an ex World Heavy Weight Boxing Champ and a victim of a similar bodily assault by Mike Tyson during their title fight in the 90s (see photo below), to say that he guessed “any part of the body is up for eating” !! images-15

This would have made Tyson sit up and pay attention as he never knew the glorious possibilities which existed in football (or toothball???) for him to ply his trade !!! images-1

The incident would have evoked shock and (gn)awe at any point in time and involving any player.But when it comes to “Chewey” Luis the consternation is much more pronounced as apart from being a serial goal scorer he is also a serial biter! He has had two previous incidents wherein he has displayed a fetish for “toothball”. In 2010 he was dubbed the “Cannibal of Ajax” after he bit PSV Eindhoven’s Oltman Bakkal in a Dutch league game.This incident was also not noticed by the referee , but “Chew-arez” was later handed a seven match ban. images-26

Later in 2013 during the English Premier League (EPL),while playing for Liverpool, Suarez was once again seen sinking his teeth into Chelsea’s Serbian defender Branislav Ivanovic. He was given a 10 match suspension for the same. images images-18

These are not the only on- field transgressions of Suarez.

In 2011 he allegedly racially abused Manchester United’ s Patrick Evra during an EPL game in October 2011.He remained unrepentant and was fined £40000 and banned for eight matches.Later he also refused to shake hands with Evra when the teams met again during the EPL. 

In the 2010 FIFA World Cup in a quarter final match against Ghana , Suarez deliberately caused a hand-ball at the goal mouth to  certain goal by the Ghanians. He was red carded but Uruguay went on to win the match and played the semi finals. “I made the save of the Tournament” was his unrepentant comment.

During the World Cup and also during the EPL in 2013 -14  it seemed that Suarez had turned over a new leaf as he was amongst the headlines for his impassioned effort and ability to finally harness his prodigious abilities. He had scored 31 EPL goals before coming to the FIFA 2014 and had also scored two breathtaking goals against England to knock them out of the tournament. And then out of the blue came the latest incident and that too at the high table of World football and in front of billions of fans. Maradona writes in his column that it was presumably the tight marking by the Italian defenders which led to the implosion of of Luis Suarez.A theory doing the rounds is that there was a probable provocation on the part of Chiellini wherein he may have “kick- started ” Suarez into such a blatantly unacceptable reaction.  New Doc 4_1 Whatever be the provocation Suarez was grossly out of line with his behaviour and even more damning has been the revelation that there was a long standing enmity with Chiellini which has probably resulted in a bite being taken off his left shoulder. Uruguay and Italy had met in the third place match during the Confederations Cup in Brazil held in 2013 and even then Suarez had tried to bite the right shoulder of Chiellini during a tense match which was tied 2-2 at the end of regulation time. This match was eventually won by Italy on penalties. New Doc 3_1

As Uruguay can potentially go on to play four more games at FIFA 2014 the impending enquiry has assumed significance. In spite of the referee not seeing the offence the enquiry is still valid as FIFA  allows the use of  videos and any other evidence to punish players retrospectively.

More on the present status after we have discussed the the strip 😎 The strip shows a marauding #9 in white jersey climbing all over a hapless #3 in blue jersey and biting him on the left shoulder with anger in his eyes while the two jostle for ball possession.The caricatures are wearing the colour and numbered jersey of Luis Suarez and Chiellini respectively. The Amul Girl is shown in the traditional yellow and black attire of the referees at the FIFA World Cup.She is in all likelihood depicting the disciplinary role of the world body as the actual referee had not noticed the on- field offence . The eye for detail in the strip is a stand out effort.

The Tag Line…Kaata toh hai…ab chamach bhi mil jaye …..is an amazing spin on the hindi word for a fork as well as for biting.The need for the spoon is felt as a fork and a spoon are needed for savouring a dish. In this case the biting inspired strip is taking a dig at the likely penchant of Suarez to consider rival players as edible and thus the need for the full complement of eating implements. 

The Punch Line…Anytime Bite…is emphasising on the fact that the Amul butter can be relished at any time of the day just as Luis Suarez can be expected to bite anytime during a football match (I thank my stars for not ever having to be playing for or against him).

As of now the enquiry is still under way and Suarez’s lawyer and head of the Uruguayan football have rushed to Brazil to defend his case.They have also alleged a European conspiracy to weaken the effort of a South American and impoverished nation (or is it essentially to introduce A Uruguayan Vampire as most of them in the Twilight Series  and Vampire Diaries are of Caucasian ascent and probably not a positive endorsement of the Caucasian ethnicity !)

Before signing off one can’t help but wonder as to why someone on  top of his prowess would repeatedly indulge in a barbaric and violent manner to squander all he has garnered so far by way of fame , prestige and riches. Some sports psychologists are ascribing the difficult childhood that Suarez had,as one amongst seven children from an underprivileged background, for his bizarre and violent streak.What is also apparent is that this fallacy in Suarez is deep set and a few sessions of therapy can only widen the gap between two incidents and not prevent them.His denial at the post match press conference underscores this very fact wherein he is blatantly lying and attributing the entire sordid saga to a clash of shoulders as just “one of the things that happen on the football field”. (I hope Luis Suarez doesn’t come after me for this “biting criticism” of his behaviour !!!) The bottom line remains that Luis Suarez is a disgrace who has sullied the image of the game, his country and destroyed his own legacy.

RAILROAD BLUES AND (HIGH) FARE RULES!

IMG-20140625-WA0009   This one touches a raw nerve with the  ‘aam aadmi’ (not referring to a certain Mr Kejriwal😜).The strip was featured right after the pre railway budget hike in rail fares.

The newly installed Bhartiya Janta Party (BJP) led National Democratic Alliance (NDkA) government effected a steep hike of 14.2% in passenger fares and 6.5% in freight charges.This was the single largest one time hike in rail fares brought in by any government.

Since  the hike came in within a month of the change of guard at Raisina Hill the opposition as well as some coalition partners in the NDA derided the Narendra Modi led dispensation for the decision.The mainstay slogan of the BJP-ACHCHE DIN AYENGE- was squarely slammed and the BJP was taunted for the nature of Achche Din it had ‘imposed’ on the people who had voted for the Party.

However, symptomatic of the politics of the day there is more to the issue than meets the eye.

Firstly  the staid facts, the Government justified the hike due to the Rs 26000 crore loss being borne by the Indian Railways including a Rs 30 crore daily loss on  account of passenger subsidy. Secondly, (still on the staid facts 😎) the experts on economic issues also came out in favour of the hike as it will haul in Rs 8000 crore annually and should be sufficient to fund  the modernisation and infrastructure requirements of the Indian Railways. Thirdly and now comes the juicy bit and most interestingly the hike actually turned out to be a fait accompli for the Government as it had already been approved by the previous Indian National Congress (INC) led United Progressive Alliance (UPA) Government in the interim budget on 16th of February 2014 and it’s implementation had been delayed on account of electoral considerations of the UPA !!!

Thus the NDA picked up the tab for the hike with a smug INC (now in opposition) shouting the loudest in criticism of the Modi Government !

The hike came as a shocker as once each during the tenures of the UPA I & I I the fares had been downwardly revised. Also, as public memory remains short, a 5-10% hike was brought in by UPA I I in January 2013 but now remains banished from the public conciousness. Whatever be the economic merits of the issue it will be revealed in the days, months and years to come.The Prime Minister though had already forewarned the people of the country to be prepared to swallow a bitter pill (s?) in order to rejuvenate the stagnating and flagging national economy.

The strip however also portrays an issue close to the suburban railway commuters of Mumbai.

It shows the Amul Girl purchasing a ticket from the ticket counter with a white elephant in the Ticket Collector’s (TC) coat holding up a board showing the 14% hike in passenger fares (is it actually 14% for Mumbaikars – read on 😎😜😎). The white elephant is in all probability the image equivalent of the Indian Railways!The Amul Girl is also shown carrying a toast generously smeared with butter 😋( i guess for the feel good factor).

The Tag Line…PASS FAIL HUA is a clever play for a catchy line and signifies the fact that all those who had secured Season Passes were now to pay more thus rendering their supposed plan of saving expenses due to the ‘Pass’ being deemed a ‘fail’-ure.

The Punch Line…TICKET TO TASTE…is referring to the Amul butter being a sure bet and an assured ticket for adding taste to all dishes it forms part of.The USP of the line is the Indian Railways based sign posting with a blue banner on a red circle.

Just a little add on to the facts.

The Mumbai commuters in some cases will have to pay double the price for their Season Passes and not just an additional 14%😭😭😭! Also, as the hike is effective from 25th of June 2014 , all who had procured tickets for a journey beyond the 25th will still have to pay the difference in cost 😛😜😝!! The only bright part in the script is probably the smiling faces of all involved including the elephant 😎

Btw a certain Mr Kejriwal ( not the same who has been referred to earlier in the piece) is having  a field day berating the Government, but can’t say the same for the hapless FM listeners of Delhi who have to endure him protesting the hike in his dulcet voice thrice between two songs :mrgreen:😁😁

As of today the Railway Budget has been tabled in the Parliament and true to the election pitch of ushering in development, the focus has been on consolidating existing projects, modernisation of the railways, developing high tech freight corridors, developing railway stations on the lines of modern airports., safety and signalling systems and emphasis on women’s safety and better amenities for commuters.

To speed up the arrival of the Achche Din the Government has also planned to run bullet trains.Since Gujarat has given us the Prime Minister the first bullet train is planned on the Ahmed a bad – Mumbai route!!!.

A PREITY-NESSY AFFAIR?

preityness_1(1)

The strip was inspired by the not-so-happily-ended relationship between Preity Zinta, a Bollywood actress and Ness Wadi a, a businessman and an industrialist.

The two had been in a relationship for five years and made a photogenic couple during the time.During the same period they became stake holders on the Indian Premier League (IPL) franchisee-Kings XI Punjab (KXIP). As the IPL grew from season 1 to 7…Preity and Ness grew apart to the point that the couple had a split.It was widely speculated that Preity Zinta would exit the franchisee as with an ‘ex’ on the board it would be difficult to continue. But on the contrary the arrangement did last and seemed to have been working well with KXIP finally striking it big in IPL 7.

And then came the news of Preity filing in a police complaint against Ness and alleging molestation by him!!!

The complaint mentioned that Ness publicly abused and attempted to hurt Preity during a match at Mumbai’s Wankhede Stadium on the 30th of May 2014 and that he even threatened to ‘make her disappear as she was a nobody’!!!! The incident evoked tremendous media attention  as Preity and Ness were considered to have had a graceful break up and obviously..barring politics.. celebrity news sells more than the state of the economy or farmers 🙂

The strip has captured the incident well..With a shocked Preity being depicted by a caricature with uncanny resemblance to her and especially her attire during the IPL. She is shown being spoken to by a man with a  threatening demeanour pointing a finger…the caricature resembling Ness Wadia. The two are being shown to be separated by the Amul Girl. …who is shown even attempting to make the quarrelling couple patch up…symbolising the wish of millions following the event and the couple’s romantic past.

The Tag Line..A Preity-Nessy Affair? is a play on the names of the protagonists and brings out the sordid and ‘messy’ end to the ‘affair’between the two.The question mark in the end shows that the truth is yet to be established in the matter.

The Punch Line….No Fighting Over It….by subtly comparing the dispute between the protagoniats the strip establishes the undisputed status of the Amul line of products.

The subject of the strip was interesting as it had to compete with the just ‘kicked off’ FIFA World Cup in Brazil!!!

The present situation is that the police is investigating the matter, Ness Wadia’s father Nusli Wadia has received gangland threats over the issue from Australia (??) and Preity Zinta has returned from her trip abroad to record her statement. Both the protagonists of the strip have recorded their statements with the police.

Ness has submitted a list of nine witnesses to counter the claims of Preity Zinta and has even levelled his own set of charges against Preity! Good advert for the beleaguered male fighting back the evil intent of an estranged beau!

The social media is vertically split between Pretty-Ness and a tug-o -war is on in the right earnest.

Meanwhile somewhere in Australia -a “no one (n) messes with the Zinta” -mob is actively seeking out the cell numbers of the nine witnesses offered to be guillotined by Ness Wadia. Easier would have been to make a follow up call to daddy Nusli and ask for the numbers on Whatsapp! I read somewhere that the police was trying to find out how the Wadia family cell numbers reached Australia…no clues yet..so my advise to the ‘chosen nine’ to switch to a pigeon based communication system as the best bet against the imminent ‘deep throated call’ from Down Under!

Watch this space as there will definitely be another Amul strip on the ‘Preity-Nessy Affair’ 😎